after spending a weekend with heaps of 'white' people.. i have discovered a few things about myself..
first off, i'm kind of a snob. when i am around a bunch of people i dont know, i dont feel the need to be overly friendly and introduce myself to them.. i mean, i'm not blatantly rude, and if they approach me, i'll be friendly, but i am never the one to initiate anything. what i cant decide is if this is a personality flaw or not. can i chalk it up to being shy? am i being overly sensitive and others are the same way? i guess meeting new people, and being around others whom i dont know, is a very uncomfortable situation for me, and i'd rather not talk to anyone than having the small chit-chat you have with people you just meet. maybe that's my problem.. small talk. frankly, i dont really like it. i like having meaningful conversations with people.. not just the on-the-surface crap you have with acquaintances. now, i realise that in order to get to know people better you have to start with small talk.. but i guess God has always blessed me with people who make the small talk extremely easy. and i guess i just believe that if someone is supposed to be in my life.. the beginnings of the friendship will work out smoothly and it will be something i wont have to worry about..
something else that hit me this weekend was my judgements of those around me.. i experienced something similar while i was in beijing, but on a much larger scale. i am not sure what my problem is. i dont view myself as an overly judgemental person.. but this past weekend, i found myself being very negative about those around me. i am not sure if it's because i live in a place where i dont speak the language, so in response i tune most things out.. where when i'm around others who speak my language, i can understand everything, and in turn feel the need to form opinions of those around me.. is it because i cannot fully grasp the culture of where i live, because i am not a native of this country, and when i'm around others from the states, canada, australia or new zealand, i have a better understanding of their cultures, therefore i feel comfortable forming thoughts or ideas about those people? am i just a judgemental person? i must admit that this weekend has made me concerned with going back to the states. i forgot how loud people are.. i became very aware of the conversations around me.. and also aware of how much i zone out of while living in korea. i found myself watching my words more carefully and i found myself more silent, because i did not want those around me to listen into my conversations.. since that was exactly what i was doing. it was quite a strange phenomenon.
this past weekend has made me realise how much of a learning experience it is going to be to go home. and i guess i expected that on some level.. i know how much i've changed, and i knew going home things would be different. it's not like i am just going to jump back into the life that i left. i know that life has continued on.. that people have changed.. moved.. etc. and i guess i also realised how transitioning back into american culture would take some time, but i didnt really realise until this weekend just how much time that may take. strangely enough, i have gotten pretty used to korean culture-at least on the majority of days- and it is going to take some time to get used to american people again..
it's amazing how changing your environment for 48 hours can make you look at some things so differently.. i wonder what three months in the states is going to do...
first off, i'm kind of a snob. when i am around a bunch of people i dont know, i dont feel the need to be overly friendly and introduce myself to them.. i mean, i'm not blatantly rude, and if they approach me, i'll be friendly, but i am never the one to initiate anything. what i cant decide is if this is a personality flaw or not. can i chalk it up to being shy? am i being overly sensitive and others are the same way? i guess meeting new people, and being around others whom i dont know, is a very uncomfortable situation for me, and i'd rather not talk to anyone than having the small chit-chat you have with people you just meet. maybe that's my problem.. small talk. frankly, i dont really like it. i like having meaningful conversations with people.. not just the on-the-surface crap you have with acquaintances. now, i realise that in order to get to know people better you have to start with small talk.. but i guess God has always blessed me with people who make the small talk extremely easy. and i guess i just believe that if someone is supposed to be in my life.. the beginnings of the friendship will work out smoothly and it will be something i wont have to worry about..
something else that hit me this weekend was my judgements of those around me.. i experienced something similar while i was in beijing, but on a much larger scale. i am not sure what my problem is. i dont view myself as an overly judgemental person.. but this past weekend, i found myself being very negative about those around me. i am not sure if it's because i live in a place where i dont speak the language, so in response i tune most things out.. where when i'm around others who speak my language, i can understand everything, and in turn feel the need to form opinions of those around me.. is it because i cannot fully grasp the culture of where i live, because i am not a native of this country, and when i'm around others from the states, canada, australia or new zealand, i have a better understanding of their cultures, therefore i feel comfortable forming thoughts or ideas about those people? am i just a judgemental person? i must admit that this weekend has made me concerned with going back to the states. i forgot how loud people are.. i became very aware of the conversations around me.. and also aware of how much i zone out of while living in korea. i found myself watching my words more carefully and i found myself more silent, because i did not want those around me to listen into my conversations.. since that was exactly what i was doing. it was quite a strange phenomenon.
this past weekend has made me realise how much of a learning experience it is going to be to go home. and i guess i expected that on some level.. i know how much i've changed, and i knew going home things would be different. it's not like i am just going to jump back into the life that i left. i know that life has continued on.. that people have changed.. moved.. etc. and i guess i also realised how transitioning back into american culture would take some time, but i didnt really realise until this weekend just how much time that may take. strangely enough, i have gotten pretty used to korean culture-at least on the majority of days- and it is going to take some time to get used to american people again..
it's amazing how changing your environment for 48 hours can make you look at some things so differently.. i wonder what three months in the states is going to do...
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