the end of an era

as i sit on the fake wood floor that covers my apartment i think back to the past year and a half. it has been a good year. one filled with many journeys.. physically, spiritually, and emotionally. my life now contains people who are very dear to my heart. my life has changed in so many ways, inside and out. summing things up in a few paragraphs just wouldnt do it justice. yet i sit here and attempt at putting words to my thoughts...

i have to admit that the closer it gets to sunday, the more freaked out i get. my apartment is empty, my suitcases are pretty much packed, but i think i am in complete denial as to what is actually going to happen on sunday. i know i'm going to the airport, and i know i'm saying goodbye to people, but i dont think i fully grasp what is going to happen next. this is kind of a scary place to be. i sort of feel like i'm a spectator in my own life. i see myself going through the motions, but i do not feel anything.

God has really been teaching me a lot this past week while i have been preparing to go home. He has really been showing me my limits lately, and is not letting me stray too far from Him. He continues to humble me.. reminding me who is really in control. He has also been a huge comfort. He's taking my insecurities and worries about going home and just giving me peace about them. i pray that i can stay focused on Him throughout the next few days, weeks, and months.. He is going to be my strength to pull me through this time of transition. i have no doubt about that.

some stuff i will miss about korea: going to e-mart or lotte mart and looking at the tshirts that have english on them- some are quite hilarious.. pomegranate juice.. going everywhere with my iPod stuck in my ears, tuning out the world.. the happy song at e-mart.. my kids telling me a story using insanely ridiculous hand gestures only speaking the words, "and this.. teacher.. and that.. and it was like this.." .. finding random things in the trash.. eating at kimbap shops.. kimchi.. my fruit and vegetable men.. my kimbap ladies.. my family mart guy.. spicy sun chips.. my students.. the cinnamon pancake things.. pineapple on a stick..

things i wont miss: delivery guys on mopeds driving on sidewalks, roads, alleys, everywhere and anywhere that they can.. waiting at crosswalks.. the smell of cooking silkworms.. the smell of suji.. sorting trash.. having pedestrian rage (comparable to road-rage).. not being able to ask for help, if i need it.. random drunk men stumbling around at night.. the noises of living in my apartment building.. yellow dust.. yellow raddish.. white kimchi.. my shower.. squatty potties.. pollution.. not being able to see the stars..

korea has been good to me. and i cannot complain. this part of my life has been so much more than i ever imagined it would be. i only pray that it's not over yet.

--i will try to post some more pictures before i leave.. this will probably be my last actual post from korea.. until next time.. peace and love, my friends.