Yesterday I finished reading a book titled The Shack. It was about a man who has a weekend encounter with the Trinity. It was recommended to me by a friend and I'm happy that I took a break from flying through the Chronicles of Narnia to read this book. In the story, this man was given the chance to confront pains and people from his past. It was a work of fiction, but I enjoyed how the author portrayed God and the experiences that this man had during a weekend with God.On occasion I go back and read through old journals that I have kept. This doesn't happen very often, since most of them at here in the States, but yesterday I found journals going back to my first days at Uni. It was funny/scary to go back and read thoughts that I had so many years ago.
The two journals that I enjoyed reading the most was my journal from my time in New Zealand and the one from my first year in South Korea. Almost every entry talked about God and how I desperately needed Him to guide me, because I did not know what to do with myself. I spoke of different things I struggled with at Uni and how instead of growing out of them, I just kept reliving them.
I guess what really stuck out to me was the fact that God's been with me. He's always with me, even if I don't feel Him or even if I don't necessarily want Him to be there. This simple truth is something that has been inside of me probably since I was a child, but it's one that I often forgot during trials and temptations. Something that always amazes me about God is His faithfulness. When I'd read about things that I had said or did, I felt ashamed. I was almost shocked or appalled by my behavior and my language. However, it's exciting to look back upon those times and to compare them to now. I am not the same. I have been set free and I have chosen to live my life with God and in Him.One last thing I noticed was the relationships I had or were forming. It was amazing to see the friendships that spanned over so many years of my life and to see that those people are still a part of my life today. Something I am always thankful for are the relationships that God has so delicately placed into my life. That just shone through my own writings. People were there challenging me and helping me grow. God was using people to show me His love and grace and those people were helping me forgive, let go and trust.
This post, I guess, is more for me than for anyone else. I guess I just never get tired of being in awe of our God. Obviously, the older that people get, the more mature they become and they tend to grow up out of habits or lifestyles of their youth- but what amazes me when I look back into my own life is how it wasn't of me at all. My life had to be fought for. My life was bought for at a price. It was hard to break free from things of my past and to let go of anger or hurt that I carried for so many years. I think that I am moving forward and standing firm in God's grace, but I also think that this process will continue for the rest of my life. I'm just encouraged that I can look back at my life and see the progress. I can literally read words that I myself wrote and feel a sense of closure from so many struggles I had.
We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin. For when we died with Christ we were set free from the power of sin. And since we died with Christ, we know we will also live with him.
--Romans 6:6-8 NLT
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