i am finding myself having a lot on my mind, yet not being able to completely narrow it down enough to say, 'this is what is bothering me.' or 'this is what God is teaching me right now.' in the past two weeks, i have heard three, very powerful sermons. one on pain. and the necessity of it. one on being in the desert- spiritually. and again, the necessity of it. and then one on faith and miracles, and how we dont need to see, to believe.
as some of you know, church has been somewhat of a struggle for me these past few months. there have been a lot of changes at my church in korea, and most of them have been very difficult to transition with. it has caused me to be very prayerful about church and where God wants me to be attending. it has made me sit back and reflect on how i worship and whether or not i am going to church for the right reasons. it has been hard. it has been uncomfortable. it has also been painful. but God has answered prayers, he has opened my heart, my eyes and my mind to new things, and it has been good. not easy, mind you, but good.
something that has been touching me lately is the sincerity and truth coming from the sermons i have heard. two of them were from my church here, and the third is from my church back at purdue. something i struggle with a lot is doubt and people's authenticity when speaking of God.. and what He is doing, or has done. something that attracted me to my church at purdue so much was the honesty my pastors had. they were not afraid to share their struggles. they were not afraid to use themselves as examples. they were real. they focused on problems that everyone deals with and tried to help us better understand how to do with things in an appropriate, Biblical way. that is the reason why i came back to church. finally i was given something concrete-something i could relate to. it changed my life.
now, in korea, i am having the same phenomenon. my pastor here has had a lot going on in his personal life. and he finds himself preaching on topics that are pertaining to his current struggles in his life.. he is not afraid to be honest with us about how he sometimes envies, how he sometimes doubts, and how he worries about things. he is not afraid to get emotional while preaching. he's not afraid to cry. he is not afraid to show us how God is breaking him down so that He stays surrendered to Him. it has been very powerful to witness. you can see Jesus in him.. you can feel Jesus in the church.. and you can hear how Jesus is changing his life and performing miracles right here, right now. it has been hard, yet it has been absolutely amazing.
i find myself, sitting on my kitchen floor.. and pondering about what God is doing in my life. He has taught me so much in the past year. i have grown in ways i never thought possible. my heart is completely new and i have experienced things i could have never imagined. with that said-i sit here and wonder, what is going on that i am not even aware of.. what is God doing, right now, in my spirit that i am not even conscious of.. what is He teaching me? am i listening? am i being prayerful? ..these are thoughts i have constantly. only time will reveal God's plan for me.. so until then- i am going to continue to stay in His presence and be in awe of Him...
as some of you know, church has been somewhat of a struggle for me these past few months. there have been a lot of changes at my church in korea, and most of them have been very difficult to transition with. it has caused me to be very prayerful about church and where God wants me to be attending. it has made me sit back and reflect on how i worship and whether or not i am going to church for the right reasons. it has been hard. it has been uncomfortable. it has also been painful. but God has answered prayers, he has opened my heart, my eyes and my mind to new things, and it has been good. not easy, mind you, but good.
something that has been touching me lately is the sincerity and truth coming from the sermons i have heard. two of them were from my church here, and the third is from my church back at purdue. something i struggle with a lot is doubt and people's authenticity when speaking of God.. and what He is doing, or has done. something that attracted me to my church at purdue so much was the honesty my pastors had. they were not afraid to share their struggles. they were not afraid to use themselves as examples. they were real. they focused on problems that everyone deals with and tried to help us better understand how to do with things in an appropriate, Biblical way. that is the reason why i came back to church. finally i was given something concrete-something i could relate to. it changed my life.
now, in korea, i am having the same phenomenon. my pastor here has had a lot going on in his personal life. and he finds himself preaching on topics that are pertaining to his current struggles in his life.. he is not afraid to be honest with us about how he sometimes envies, how he sometimes doubts, and how he worries about things. he is not afraid to get emotional while preaching. he's not afraid to cry. he is not afraid to show us how God is breaking him down so that He stays surrendered to Him. it has been very powerful to witness. you can see Jesus in him.. you can feel Jesus in the church.. and you can hear how Jesus is changing his life and performing miracles right here, right now. it has been hard, yet it has been absolutely amazing.
i find myself, sitting on my kitchen floor.. and pondering about what God is doing in my life. He has taught me so much in the past year. i have grown in ways i never thought possible. my heart is completely new and i have experienced things i could have never imagined. with that said-i sit here and wonder, what is going on that i am not even aware of.. what is God doing, right now, in my spirit that i am not even conscious of.. what is He teaching me? am i listening? am i being prayerful? ..these are thoughts i have constantly. only time will reveal God's plan for me.. so until then- i am going to continue to stay in His presence and be in awe of Him...
some verses i have been reading:
consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trails of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything.
James 1:2-4
then Jesus told him, "because you have seen me, you have believed; blessed are those who have not seen and yet have believed."
John 20:29
Comments
In reading this blog entry I was so moved and touched by your won honesty. It made my mind wander back to our time together at Prayer Mountain and how I knew that that were you hungring and thirsting for new things of God. I too wonder what God is preparing you for and will continue to hold you up in prayer that your will be willing to listen to His voice as you seek His heart and not just His hands.
I love you, miss you and am so prou d of you.
~S! :)xoxo