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growing.

i am a stubborn person. in the past few years i've been able to handle my stubborn tendencies a bit and relax; however, this week has been a prime example of how stubborn i am.

i actually described myself today as "the bratty child that knows what's right, but is angry and wants her way."

it's amazing that the older i get and the closer i grow to God, i really discover so much about myself and how a lot of times i am in the wrong with how i handle things.

i like to run away.
i like to isolate myself.
i'd rather hide than open up and talk to someone. God included.
i hate crying.
i hide within myself so people dont realise what's really going on.
i'd rather quit than work through a painful or difficult situation.
i have problems letting go.
i know a lot of things about myself, but dont believe any of them. especially if they're positive things.

needless to say, i am struggling.

i dont want to say too much more, cuz i dont think this is the best place to do so. i would like to ask for prayer, though. i am in the middle of something huge and it's taking every ounce of myself not to just leave england. i will be ok. i do have great people around me, if i open up to them. God will show up and help me. i will end up being fine and even better for going through this. just please keep me in your prayers. thanks.
"it's time for healing... time to move on... time to fix what's been broken too long... time to make right... what has been wrong... it's time to find my way to where i belong." (--lyrics from the sanctus real song on my player. it best describes my current self.)
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