i feel like it's time that i update things on here, but i dont know what exactly to say. i have sat down the last few nights trying to think of where to start, i even started writing a blog, but then deleted it. it's really hard to pinpoint exactly what i'm thinking right now and i'm not sure why.
something that i've been noticing more lately about being home is the familiarity of it all. which may sound sort of strange cuz of course things are familiar to me, i've lived in this area for almost twenty five years.. lately, though, it's been funny to walk into different restaurants, or drive down certain roads.. almost everything i do, and everywhere i go reminds me of something from my past. more times than not it reminds me of a person.. usually someone who isnt really a part of my life any more.. it's just such an odd sensation. it's weird to think about those ancient memories, and those friendships that dont exist any more.. i often wonder if those people ever think about me, as well..
i find myself longing for korea. i miss being on my own.. it's always been strange coming back home after not living at home for so long. you can tell my parents dont exactly know how to act either. they dont expect me to necessarily 'check in' with them.. yet they like to know where i am, all the time. i cant just run in and out of the house.. i need to see what everyone else is doing. it has been good to take the focus off myself and to serve my family.. but i do miss being in korea, living alone, holding my own.
i feel overwhelmed a lot. whether it be while shopping.. or with plans.. or even with people. i have found myself not putting forth much effort into anything because it completely stresses me out. which i find completely odd. everything is SO easy here. i can communicate ten thousand times easier here than i can in korea.. i have a car.. everything is more convenient.. why am i not happy here? why does it stress me out more than help me?
i have found God working a lot in my heart. even though there have been days where i have completely neglected Him, or avoided Him.. He's still there.. working.. i cannot even begin to describe to you how thankful i am for my relationship with Him. even though i sometimes suck at it, i'm so incredibly blessed at how faithful He is. He's been really teaching me about so much. He's really changing my heart.. making me more of a servant to those around me.. allowing me to have grace and patience with more difficult people or situations.. showing me how to love and pray for my family.. He's especially been working on me in terms of thinking internationally. i have no idea where God is taking me, but i feel now, more than ever, that it's going to be somewhere outside of north america. it makes me so excited just to think about it. He's really giving me a heart for the 'foreigners' that i see. it makes me smile and makes me want to reach out to them. i find myself wanting to learn about other cultures, more so than i did before, (which i was pretty interested in it all before!).. i am just ready to go out and make a difference.. i'm just waiting on His timing..
speaking of timing.. my time at home is winding down quickly. which may sound ridiculous since i've only been home for a little over a month.. but i look at my calendar, look at everything i have planned.. i can honestly say i have ONE weekend between now and labor day (september 1) that i dont have anything planned. between weddings, flying all over the country, and spending time with my family.. the rest of my time is going to end very quickly. i am excited for that, yet a little anxious, as well.
i would just like to ask for some prayers for the rest of my time at home. i pray that i make the plans that God wants me to make. i pray i'm able to take time each day praising Him! i pray that my family continues to open up their hearts to me leaving again. and i just pray that my Father will continue to bless me, guide me, and protect me.
:::i leave for maine, usa! via boston on sunday- so probably no new blogs for awhile.. stay tuned for an update when i return! God bless!
something that i've been noticing more lately about being home is the familiarity of it all. which may sound sort of strange cuz of course things are familiar to me, i've lived in this area for almost twenty five years.. lately, though, it's been funny to walk into different restaurants, or drive down certain roads.. almost everything i do, and everywhere i go reminds me of something from my past. more times than not it reminds me of a person.. usually someone who isnt really a part of my life any more.. it's just such an odd sensation. it's weird to think about those ancient memories, and those friendships that dont exist any more.. i often wonder if those people ever think about me, as well..
i find myself longing for korea. i miss being on my own.. it's always been strange coming back home after not living at home for so long. you can tell my parents dont exactly know how to act either. they dont expect me to necessarily 'check in' with them.. yet they like to know where i am, all the time. i cant just run in and out of the house.. i need to see what everyone else is doing. it has been good to take the focus off myself and to serve my family.. but i do miss being in korea, living alone, holding my own.
i feel overwhelmed a lot. whether it be while shopping.. or with plans.. or even with people. i have found myself not putting forth much effort into anything because it completely stresses me out. which i find completely odd. everything is SO easy here. i can communicate ten thousand times easier here than i can in korea.. i have a car.. everything is more convenient.. why am i not happy here? why does it stress me out more than help me?
i have found God working a lot in my heart. even though there have been days where i have completely neglected Him, or avoided Him.. He's still there.. working.. i cannot even begin to describe to you how thankful i am for my relationship with Him. even though i sometimes suck at it, i'm so incredibly blessed at how faithful He is. He's been really teaching me about so much. He's really changing my heart.. making me more of a servant to those around me.. allowing me to have grace and patience with more difficult people or situations.. showing me how to love and pray for my family.. He's especially been working on me in terms of thinking internationally. i have no idea where God is taking me, but i feel now, more than ever, that it's going to be somewhere outside of north america. it makes me so excited just to think about it. He's really giving me a heart for the 'foreigners' that i see. it makes me smile and makes me want to reach out to them. i find myself wanting to learn about other cultures, more so than i did before, (which i was pretty interested in it all before!).. i am just ready to go out and make a difference.. i'm just waiting on His timing..
speaking of timing.. my time at home is winding down quickly. which may sound ridiculous since i've only been home for a little over a month.. but i look at my calendar, look at everything i have planned.. i can honestly say i have ONE weekend between now and labor day (september 1) that i dont have anything planned. between weddings, flying all over the country, and spending time with my family.. the rest of my time is going to end very quickly. i am excited for that, yet a little anxious, as well.
i would just like to ask for some prayers for the rest of my time at home. i pray that i make the plans that God wants me to make. i pray i'm able to take time each day praising Him! i pray that my family continues to open up their hearts to me leaving again. and i just pray that my Father will continue to bless me, guide me, and protect me.
:::i leave for maine, usa! via boston on sunday- so probably no new blogs for awhile.. stay tuned for an update when i return! God bless!
Comments
and yes, i totally identify with your struggles at home. i have confessed them to mom myself. she's as understanding as any mother could be, yet it's still hard. i have to remember it's hard for them, too. ::sigh::
i love you, friend, and i miss you very much! we'll be back in korea before we know it. mwah!